I finally cleaned out that rotting cardboard box in my bedroom closet. It’s been sitting, untouched, since 2005, when I first moved back to Cerritos from White Plains, NY. I found several interesting items, including my PASSPORT ($200 wasted on expediting my replacement one)! I found a set of folders that I had completely forgotten existed. One of them was a folder I had filled with magazine clippings of places that I would like to visit someday. Another folder appeared to be a collection of male celebrities I found attractive. It was pretty embarrassing. I honestly do not recollect any time in my life that I found Joaquin Phoenix attractive, but as I had several magazine cutouts of his face, I cannot think of any other reason for those being there.
Among all the things that I found, most of which went into a donation bag to be collected by the AmVets Foundation tomorrow, I was very lucky to NOT find any spiders. This is very shocking because I have found spiders living in my bed, my bra cups, my freshly-laundered sweaters, my shoes, and my books. The one time I actually expected to find spiders, I didn’t.
Speaking of spiders, do you know what happened to me around this time last year? I was walking around my backyard, talking to my mom, when I walked into a thick web strand. I backed up quickly, trying to shake it loose, and realized with a chill that out of the corner of my eye, I could see something extremely large moving across my path. I did a quick backpedal, focused, and began to scream. A large spider was scampering along the underside of that strand, like an upside-down tightrope walker. I turned round and ran for my camera.
Here is what I captured:
You know how as a kid, you’re told all of these folk tales and fairy tales, and the moral to a lot of them is: Don’t be fooled by appearances? Well, I was thinking about that, as I debated what to do with the spider. I’d like to think that I was being merciful, by prodding it into escaping into the neighbor’s yard, rather than killing it, but the truth is that I was just too fucking scared of what that monster would feel like under a shoe or something. It was so big and fat, I’m sure I would have felt it through the sole.
I later found a website that identifies spiders for curious people, and discovered that it is a red orb spider. They’re harmless to people ( no documentation of one having ever bit anyone) and extremely useful, actually, in capturing flying pests. As you can see in the picture, the spider was scrunched up, trying to make itself invisible, because the poor thing was terrified of me. I’d rather have that spider alive and terrified of me than a bunch of mosquitoes and horse flies buzzing around my head.